Nerves… & Other Things That Make No Sense

Tomorrow is the first day of my new job and I’ve spent the past two nights having those awkward, nervous dreams that aren’t quite nightmares but still leave you with a feeling of “oh thank GOD that didn’t really happen” upon waking.

I should not be nervous. I’ve met all the kids that I’m going to be teaching (which, in all honesty, is a mixed blessing). I have all myhandouts typed up, proof-read and printed for the first week. This is not my first time teaching, either.

Only it kind of is my first time teaching, at least without the lables “substitute” or “student” stuck to my title.

Teaching is a little bit like giving a presentation in front of the class… every day of your life. I think we can all remember that churn-y feeling of having to read aloud in front of everyone, or – even worse – explaining your Bristol board poster and then taking questions from the class. Standing pigeon-toed and fidgeting with your crumpled sheet of looseleaf, you hoped that no one would ask you something you didn’t know.

I’m here to tell you that the feeling changes, but I don’t think it ever really goes away.

This Is Not A Holiday Post

I don’t really, you know, do the holidays. Save a few spins of “Christmas in Hollis” and “Oi to the World”, my home tends to be devoid of Yuletide tunes. I’m a vegetarian, so I haven’t had a turkey in over ten years. I can’t even remember the last time I hung shining star upon the highest bough.

Tsk, like, of course I exchange gifts. Just because I’m not festive doesn’t mean that I don’t break for capitalism.

But this year? I got the best “early Christmas present” ever: a full-time teaching term starting in January!

Without giving too much away (I don’t flatter myself into thinking that my students Google me, but you never know!) suffice to say that I’m teaching both History and English in a language other than English, and living my dream by doing it in an inner-city school.

I’m freaking thrilled.

Truth be told, I’m also a little intimidated. I have a lot of reading and planning to do, and two weeks of travel and family commitments looming ahead. I’m still very much in the process of adjusting to my new/old province’s curriculum and computer system.

Elation, however, outweighs trepidation. Even if I looked a little deer-in-the-headlights-y on Friday afternoon, I’m a deer with a Type A personality who gets shit done. I love being in the classroom and I’m genuinely excited about what these next ten weeks will bring.

Happy non-denominational winter holidays, everyone. May your days be merry and bright.

Honor Among Subs?

Oh mylanta. Two weeks ago I was a band teacher. One week ago I was an English teacher. This week I was a French Immersion science teacher.

I cannot complain. This is more work than I ever dreamed I would get when I first added my name to the ol’ sub roster.

One of the things that I’m finding hardest about substitute teaching is the sense of competition that exists between us. There is camaraderie, civility, and often friendship, but I would be lying if I said there wasn’t an undercurrent of tension. At the end of the day, we’re all after the same few jobs.

Luckily for me, not many of my friends teach the same grades or subjects as I do, so the feeling that we need to, I dunno, “out-teach” each other is considerably less. That said, I still feel guilty when we hang out on the weekends and compare notes.

“Did you get many days this week? I only got a half-day on Wednesday.”

“Oh man, that sucks! Sorry, dude.”

“What about you?”

“Uh, I got a few.”

“How many?”

“Like… four.”

“Four FULL days??”

“Sooo, you watch COPS last night?”

It’s brutal. Sometimes it seems like just acknowledging that we’re getting work at all is enough to feel like you’re gloating or bragging. Ugh.